Everyone has been there. You're all excited about the movie you're about to watch. You have your food, beverage and companion of choice on hand. The screen goes dark....
And two hours later you wish you could beat up that movie.
What's the most maddening thing about a movie that just doesn't work for you? For me, it's one of three things.....or in a really bad scenario, ALL three of these things:
1. NOTHING happens. I like stories with a beginning, middle and end. The characters and their setting get a quick introduction and they're on their way. Some stuff happens, something goes wrong, they have to fix it (or at least try), a big confrontation goes down and the characters have arrived in a new place and/or mentality from where they started. THE END. Unfortunately too many movies don't get this right, they take way too much time to get there or they bite off more than they can chew (too many subplots, five or more main characters, etc) and suddenly the movie just stops dead in its tracks.
2. Bad writing. This can take on many forms but the most frequent offenders are either lack of clear objectives or bad dialogue. Characters (are supposed to) have motivations. A good story also has great themes surrounding the conflict, whether obvious or underlying. Dialogue is also critical. When it's cheesy or the scenario plays out in a scripted, unrealistic manner, it hurts our suspension of disbelief. That's pretty much the worst thing you can do to an audience. I would also argue that when most people say they hated the acting in a movie, it was actually the writing that they hated. Actors can do a lot of things right and wrong, but with bad dialogue, their options become very limited and only the best actors that know the craft inside and out have a shot at salvaging the messy script they were handed.
3. Too long. As a musician and a motivated individual, time is the most valuable resource I have and also the most scarce (hence the title of this rant). I have passed up many movies, TV shows and sports events because I didn't have the time to watch them. I'm certain you have done the same. I almost never watch anything over two hours long during the week and on weekends, I still have to schedule it. The movies that satisfy me the most are the ones where I'm completely engaged. Sometimes those movies end up being three hours long but the important thing is that they don't FEEL like three-hour movies. I've turned off movies that clocked in at just over an hour and a half just cuz they felt too long. If I'm watching the clock and not the movie, that movie has failed the Dan test.
There are a lot of other things about movies that can drive me nuts (overpriced tickets, bad special effects, annoying/bad actors, disruptive scores/soundtracks, stupid plot devices, obnoxious product placements, movies with no fight scenes, etc). However, I can let a lot of those things go if none of the three things I mentioned above are happening. The good news is that more often that not, if the movie gets those three things right, they get everything else right as well.
Now I wanna watch more movies. Anyone have two hours I can borrow?
